HERO is tied up, gagged, and unconscious on an uncomfortable looking wooden chair in the middle of the room. VILLAIN is sitting on the floor next to the chair, talking animatedly on the phone.
VILLAIN: Wait, wait, wait! You’re meaning to tell me that your Maid of Honor is missing? Wait– your wedding is when?! Shit. Shit. I have to reschedule so many things. No, no Brenda, don’t worry your pretty little head about it. It’s your special day. I just need to rearrange my weekend a bit. No worries!
While VILLAIN is talking into the phone, HERO begins to wake up. They don’t look afraid or confused, they just look vaguely annoyed.
HERO: (attempting to speak through the gag in their mouth) MMPH! MM!
VILLAIN turns to HERO, gesturing for them to shut up.
VILLAIN: (still talking into the phone) Okay back to the topic of your Maid of Honor, what’s her name, maybe I can help? …oh of course. It would be her wouldn’t it?! How come she’s the maid of honor and I’m just a bridesmaid?! Weren’t we all friends in college?! OH NEVERMIND! …I’ll deal with it. Okay. Bye. Yes I will still attend the wedding, I’m annoyed, not an absolute bitch.
VILLAIN hangs up the phone and sighs heavily before standing up and pulling the gag out of HERO’s mouth.
VILLAIN: Why didn’t you tell me that you were Brenda’s Maid of Honor?
HERO: Why didn’t I tell you? You were invited! I thought you knew.
VILLAIN: I knew that Brenda was getting married. Sure. Not that she chose you over me to be her Maid of Honor! And she scheduled her wedding on the same weekend that I was planning world domination! And to top it all off, you’re not even scared when I kidnap you anymore!
VILLAIN slumps down onto the floor again, looking, for lack of a better explanation, like someone just kicked their puppy.
HERO: Maybe if you want me to be afraid of getting kidnapped you shouldn’t… kidnap me so nicely? You literally asked me out on a date to my favorite bar, and you even bought me a drink. It was nice.
VILLAIN: The drink was drugged! I bought you a drink, and then drugged it, and then kidnapped you! And now you’re laughing!
VILLAIN stands up again, clearly done with this conversation.
HERO: Oh. I should’ve seen that coming. Sorry. I guess it’s just hard to be afraid of a villain who is five foot one. And… nice to people.
VILLAIN: Whatever. This is all beside the point. Brenda’s wedding is more important than me taking over the world. So, I’m going to untie you, and then you and I have to help Brenda pick a wedding dress. And then the two of us have a Bachelorette party to plan.
VILLAIN unties HERO and offers her a hand, helping HERO to stand up from the wooden chair. The two of them share a look before walking off-stage, neither one commenting on the fact that they’re still holding hands.
End scene.